Riverdale Season 2 Episode 14 Recap — Cheryl Blossom’s Love Interest, Revealed

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Warning: Spoilers for Riverdale season 2, episode 14, “The Hills Have Eyes,” ahead.

How dare they? What’s the rule again? Oh, yeah: If you’ve been in the proximity of any sort of murder, you need to stay far away from anything even remotely resembling a cabin in any area that might be construed as woods. Betty alone has been a witness to at least three deaths at this point, so the only vacation she—or any of the core four—should be allowed to go on is one that involves a lot of sand.

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But instead they spent this episode escaping super creepy long-lost brothers and overbearing fathers in a cozy, secluded lodge owned by the Lodge family. A Lodge lodge, if you will (and Veronica most certainly will). But that doesn’t mean nothing went on in Riverdale proper. Yes, Cheryl’s new love interest has finally been revealed.

Here, everything that happened during tonight’s episode.

Chic is a straight-up psychopath.

It was the drinking straight from the OJ container that really cinched it for me. But seriously, he’s the creepiest person on the face of the planet and doing everything he can to shake up Betty—and shook she is. So when Veronica is offered a weekend rendezvous at her parents’ cabin, Betty jumps at the chance to get away from him. She even instates a no-sleuthing rule for Jughead. This trip will be purely for pleasure, if she has anything to say about it (and she brought her old wig just to make sure, if you know what I mean).

But the real reason for this mini-vacation is that Hiram wants Veronica away and safe while he entertains skittish business partners from NYC. Even though Veronica explicitly bans any and all chaperones, Hiram tells Archie that his goon Andre will be staying near by and looking out for them. Don’t tell V, okay, Arch?

Side note: I don’t know why Veronica is allowed to insist that Andre can’t stay in the area. She expects him to drive out all that way, return home, and then drive out again to pick them up? Talk about selfish. Hiram even told her he wouldn’t be staying in the cabin, so I really don’t see the big deal.

Jughead and Betty, The Hills Have Eyes

The CW/Riverdale

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Sure, this trip to the woods should go super well.

Anyway, of course things immediately get tense. Cheryl Blossom, upset after some cruel words from her mom, coupled with the fact that she wasn’t invited to the cabin, calls Jughead to inform him that Betty and Archie kissed on Christmas. Jughead acts cool, but later in the hot tub (when they’re all drinking margaritas that look suspiciously like Mountain Dew) he jumps at Veronica’s suggestion that she and him kiss to make everything even. He swears he’s not upset and that a “Vughead” kiss might stop him from using the Barchie kiss agains Betty in the future. That’s some teen logic right there. Later he admits to Betty that he did like seeing the look on Archie’s face, and it’s good to know he’s human.

Riverdale Recap: The Hills Have Eyes

The CW/Riverdale

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Let’s just fast forward through that kinky Bughead role-play sex to the next morning, when Veronica finds Archie in the woods talking to Andre. Cue a fight and Veronica taking off to town with Betty to get some space from her traitorous boyfriend.

In town, they stop at a cute store to buy some completely unnecessary items. (What does Veronica want that giant orange candle and entire mason jar of honey for?) Veronica shamelessly flirts with the cute cashier and even tells him that her parents are back home in Riverdale. Never. Tell. Random. Men. You’re. Alone. In. The. Woods.

Betty manages to drag her back, and now that she has had time to cool off, all is well among the group…until Betty gets a call from her mom. Hiram has bought the Riverdale Register from Hal. So Betty’s pissed that Veronica’s family betrayed hers, and Jughead is pissed because Hiram also bought the Sunnyside Trailer park, even though Lodge is paying off all their debts and letting them continue to live there. It all seems very suspicious to B and J, who think Veronica brought them there so they couldn’t raise hell while all this went down, which is probably true, but not Veronica’s fault.

But before they can really get into it, three masked men break in and hold up the teens with axes and bats. Luckily cool heads prevail for once; Archie tells them to take whatever they want and go. The leader (obviously the cute store clerk) takes Veronica into the bedroom to get her wallet and she’s able to push the silent alarm. Things are about to get ugly when the security company calls and Veronica tells the burglars what’s up. In one last aggression, the leader calls her a rich bitch and rips her locket from her neck before running off into the woods. Archie gives chase and even catches up to the perpetrator when Andre shows up and tells Archie to go back to the cabin. As Archie retreats, he hears a gunshot. DUN DUN DUN.

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Riverdale Recap: The Hills Have Eyes

All’s well that ends well.

The CW/Riverdale

After all that excitement, the four return home and seem to reconcile their differences. Hiram praises Archie for the way he handled the situation, but nothing really seems resolved. Betty is still stuck in that house with a volatile Chic, who seemed to threaten Jughead before the trip. I’ve been strictly against the idea that Chic was the real Black Hood and obsessed with Betty until this episode, but I’m starting to come around.

Riverdale Recap: The Hills Have Eyes

The CW/Riverdale

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Meanwhile, back in town, the Toni–Cheryl situation heats up considerably.

Toni Topaz overhears Cheryl making that cruel phone call and approaches her afterwards in the girls’ bathroom to ask her why she did it. She replies: “I’m Cheryl Blossom, a.k.a. Cheryl Bombshell, which means I need no reasons. I simply am. Feel free to tremble.” But Toni sees through her bullshit and asks her why she is in so much pain. Cue storm out.

Kevin and Josie can’t seem to catch a break either. While Kevin wants to go see the new gay rom-com Love, Simon (which actually opens IRL on March 10) with Moose, he learns that his old hookup is already going with Midge and, despite what Moose originally told Kevin, she does not know about their past. Then Josie, who is really upset to learn her mom and dad are divorcing, spills the beans to Kevin about their parents’ affair. Kevin’s rightfully upset, considering his mother is overseas “risking her life every day.”

Riverdale Recap: The Hills Have Eyes

The CW/Riverdale

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But Kevin and Josie do end up seeing the movie together, and they’re not the only odd couple there. Cheryl arrives alone, only to be joined by Toni Topaz—who says Fangs, the gay Serpent, bailed on her. Afterwards, at Pop’s, Toni ribs Cheryl for crying during the film and Cheryl admits that while everyone thinks she’s a loveless monster, she has been in love once. And, no, it wasn’t with Jason. It turns out, Cheryl was in love with her middle school best friend Heather until her mother discovered them together and ripped them apart. Toni grabs her hand, looks her straight in the eye and tells her, “You’re not loveless, you’re not deviant. You’re sensational.”

I. Can’t. Breathe. Heart emoji. Can’t wait until next episode, River Vixens.



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